Thursday, September 27, 2007

Death Warmed Over

This book is hilarious! Death Warmed Over by Lisa Rogak. The first story is as reads:

"An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died.

He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs , and dragged himself into the kitchen, where his wife was busy baking cookies. With his strength waning, he made it to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie rack.

As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.

"Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?"

"They're for the funeral!"

I LOVE to cook, so these types of stories really get me. The book contains recipes for foods commonly served at funerals from all over the globe. I know, it's totally morbid, but intriguing. Here are a few examples.

Greek Orthodox - Mercy Meal Fish
Amish - Funeral Pie
Ireland - Irish Wake Cake
Great Britain - Buried With Ham
China - Buddha's Delight
Mexico - Pan de Muerto (Bread of the Dead)

The book also has stories from funerals as well as posts from old funeral home price lists.

Here are a few I enjoyed.

From a funeral home price list circa 1920
For composing the features $1.00
For giving the features a look of quiet resignation $2.00
For giving the features the appearance of Christian hope and contentment $5.00
(Which one would you choose? Marketing!)

A Culinary epitaph
Here Lies The Body of Our Anna
Done to Death By A Banana
It Wasn't The Fruit That Laid Her Low
But The Skin Of The Thing That Made Her Go.

Pretend obituary
Veteral Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.

He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife; they have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:25 for 20 minutes.

Anyway, I got a kick out of this book. Maybe you will too!

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